Cut

I'm sure it has to be related to the unemployment status, but I have been having the stupidest re-occuring dream lately. It is my senior year of high school and I have been cut from the basketball team. Seriously, I have had three separate dreams now and they each seem to be picking up where the other left off like a serial show or something. In the first dream, I got usurped by the rising freshman star. In the second dream I found out I actually didn't make the team. Then finally, last night in episode three, my high school coach actually sat down with me on the bench while the other girls were practicing and asked me what my intentions were now that I had been cut from the team but was still showing up for practices? I told him that I was committed to the team whether he put me on the floor or not and that I intended to keep on practicing with them and would sit the bench during the games to rally the team.

I have to give my subconscious a little credit on this one. Getting cut from the basketball team - something I loved so passionately and that represented a major portion of my childhood identity - my senior year after having been committed to that team for so many years... I can't think of a better archetypal representation for my ultimate fear of failure and humiliation. Even so, I am proud of the fact that even in dreamland, that despite circumstances that are beyond my control I still know deep down inside that I am the best player for the job, that my coach is making a huge mistake, and that NO ONE can take care of my team the way I can. Spoken like a true Point Guard. Take that Sandman.