Focus and Patience

Don and I saw the movie Black Snake Moan recently. We both loved it. It was very powerful with the music and amazing strong characters, the best new movie we have seen in a while. We will definitely buy this movie. See it if you get a chance and tell us what you think.

So I finally decided on a character to play in our upcoming D&D campaign starting this Thursday. Don is running the campaign and Matt and Camille and I will be in the campaign. I decided that I wanted to play a cleric of a Buddhist persuasion. I wanted to come up with a character with a really strong motivation and a well developed identity. I sometimes struggle with the roleplaying part of D&D, interacting with other characters and still being true to my character. Sometimes, it is because I haven't developed my character's personality enough to know what they would do or how they would react in a given situation, other times it is because I know how they would react but if I do what my character actually would do in that situation, it might be harmful or at least not beneficial to the group.

I had a harder time creating a character for this campaign than I ever have before because I wanted to play a character that I was more interested in personality wise than mechanics wise. Usually, I create a character based on the fighting style I want to engage in or whether or not I want to use magic and what kind of skills I want to be good at. Then I try to come up with a personality to fit that. Well, this time I did it the other way around. I wanted to pick a character that I was really interested in getting behind their thoughts and their actions - what they thought their meaning and purpose was in the world, what their background and history was going to be all about. I thought it would be neat to find a character that was different from myself, but whose ideas and experiences I could care about and learn from.

I have always been drawn to monastic traditions. Monasticism has a sort of romantic idealism for me. The elements of devotion, of study, of self-sacrifice, prayerful and poetic are things that speak to and quiet my soul. I recently had a discussion with a friend about Buddhism. He was somebody who stated that he himself felt that he was not a religious person, but that if he were to align himself with some sort of philosophy he felt very drawn to a lot of elements of Buddhism. It struck me after thinking about it for some time that I wanted to make this the defining element of character. Obviously, I am a Christian woman and that is the faith and belief system that defines me. But I thought it would be neat to be able to explore this profound religion through another character and see what inspiration it might bring to my own life.

So Don and I went to Borders yesterday and I bought Herman Hesse's book, Siddhartha which I haven't read since High School. I decided I would read it as research for my character. It is a short book but the kind that you have to take your time to read, to mull over the pages, meditate on them, experience them, take in every word. So last night I read the first chapter. In it, Siddhartha is well loved, well cared for, and well schooled. He brings everyone around him happiness, but he himself is not fulfilled. After meditating, he decides that he must leave his family and start a new path. He is going to join the Samanas and learn what he can from them. His father of course, is reluctant to see him go and at first does not grant his request. But Siddhartha stands firm. He roots himself and will not be moved until his father finally grants his request. The path he must follow is greater than the will of his parents. I think the thing that is most inspiring about this chapter is the focus that Siddhartha has. Despite the forces against him, his focus never deters from what he knows he must do, what is the right thing to do, and he is patient because he has faith that since it is the right path, it will come true.

I think those are two things that could help all of us, especially me, no matter what your religious affiliation is - Focus and Patience. I know in my own faith I have lost focus on some of the things that are important and a big reason for that is that I lost patience. In this chapter of Siddhartha, I think it shows us that patience is not born out of a lack of urgency. The things that need to be changed in this world, the injustices that need to be righted, are very urgent things. Rather, here, it seems that patience is born out of confidence - Siddhartha's confidence that he knew this was the right thing to do, Siddhartha's confidence that his father knew it was the right thing to do, and Siddhartha's confidence that eventually his father would do the right thing. For me, this means having faith that no matter what forces I come up against, that God's Will will be done in the end. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but that when we set a course to follow God's will, that our determined presence in the face of those who would oppose God's will has an effect, an effect that leads to change. It is a change that comes about from being moved internally by change of heart, not externally by means of force, otherwise patience would not be necessary.